Hermes rolled his eyes. "Surely you've seen network TV lately. It's clear they don't know whether they're coming or going. That's because Janus is in charge of programming. He loves ordering new shows and cancelling them after two episodes. God of beginnings and endings, after all. Anyway, I was bringing him some magic doormats, and I was double-parked -" "You have to worry about double-parking?" "Will you let me tell the story?" "Sorry."

She whirled when the monster was almost on top of her. I thought the thing in her hands was an umbrella until she cranked the pump and the shotgun blast blew the giant twenty feet backwards, right into Nico's sword. "Nice one," Paul said. "When did you learn to fire a shotgun?" I demanded. My mom blew the hair out of her face. "About two seconds ago. Percy, we'll be fine. Go!

Aphrodite strikes again, huh? You're gonna be the best-dressed warrior in town, beauty queen.

Forget the chicken-nugget smoke screen. Percy wanted Leo to invent an anti-dream hat.

Piper to Drew: P: In case youthink Im not a true Daughter of Aphrodite dont even look at Jason Grace. He may not know it yet but he’s mine. If you even try to make a move, I will load you into a catapult and shoot you across Long Island Sound.

Want a cookie,' Ra said. 'What kind?' 'Weasel cookie.' I'm here to tell you, that comment about weasel cookies probably saved the known universe.

It blew my mind that this stuff had survived for two thousand, three thousand years.