...there are no secrets unless you keep them to yourself, and this was the greatest secret I had ever had to keep in my life so far.

Sex is like nose picking. It's fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it's disgusting watching someone else doing it.

Then suddenly, he was struck by a powerful but simple little truth, and it was this: that English grammar is governed by rules that are almost mathematical in their strictness!

Books shouldn't be daunting, they should be funny, exciting and wonderful.

There is a trait in the Jewish character that does provoke animosity; maybe it's a kind of lack of generosity towards non-Jews. I mean there is always a reason why anti-anything crops up anywhere; even a stinker like Hitler didn't just pick on them for no reason.

Poor Earthworm,' the Ladybird said, whispering in James's ear. 'He loves to make everything into a disaster. He hates to be happy. He is only happy when he is gloomy.

The secret of life', he said, 'is to become very very good at somethin' that's very very 'ard to do.