Take sides! Always take sides! You will sometimes be wrong - but the man who refuses to take sides must always be wrong.

Men rarely if ever dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.

Most people can't think, most of the remainder won't think, and the small fraction who do think mostly can't do it very well.

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.

A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.

On two subjects the overwhelming majority of people regarded their own opinions as Absolute Truth, and sincerely believed that anyone who disagreed with them was immoral, outrageous, sinful, sacrilegious, offensive, intolerable, stupid, illogical, treasonable, actionable, against the public interest, ridiculous, and obscene. The two subjects were (of course) sex and religion.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.