Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

There seems to be a common strain of miserliness in the American people when it comes to throwing away toothpaste tubes which havea little left in the bottom.

The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of

In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.