A family is a bunch of people who keep confusing you with someone you were as a kid.

People ask how I think up my thoughts. Mostly I think them up while reading Paul Simon's lyrics.

In a houseful of toddlers and pets, you can start out having a bad day, but you keep getting detoured.

It is not only possible to be the person you pretend to be, but there is less effort involved.

For every "Drive Safely" sign, shouldn't there be a "Resume Normal Driving" sign?

Beyond our most stubborn misperception lies often our fondest dream.

My health plan doesn't cover dental, so I enrolled my teeth as 32 dependents, each needing a complete physical once a year.