There have been days when I sought respite from my life, only to find myself calling every hour to check on it.

Sometimes I wonder — if I were drop-dead handsome, and every woman I met actually dropped dead, would I ever get tired of it?

After 5,000 years of recorded human history, you wonder, what part of 2,000,000 sunrises doesn't a pessimist understand?

A vacation trip is one-third pleasure, fondly remembered, and two-thirds aggravation, entirely forgotten.

There are days when you need someone who just wants to be your sunshine and not the air you breathe.

No matter how reclusive we tend to be, we picture the after-life as a community of souls. It is one thing to seek privacy in this life; it is another to face eternity alone.

Since the majority is always wrong, might we try one election day where all the losers take office?