Just once it might be instructive to pretend you're accepting an award for failure, just to see who you would thank.

There are exactly as many special occasions in life as we choose to celebrate.

Through sources, we have obtained the following alien assessment of the human species: The male wants to be valued for what he pretends to be. The female wants to be overvalued for what she truly is.

I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past.

As important as shared memories is the silent agreement that certain things never happened.

Often it's just a short swim from the shipwreck of your life to the island paradise of your dreams, assuming you don't drown in the metaphor.

It's still possible to be a cockeyed optimist these days - you just have to be a little more cockeyed.