If you could eavesdrop on everything said about you, you'd spend most of your time waiting for the subject to come up.

The trick to playing second fiddle is to play it like second Stradivarius.

If you think that someone is out to steal everything you have, you're either paranoid or a member of the middle class.

The hardest thing about reality is returning to it after an hour inside your child's mind.

All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought

There is a public me and a private me, who, if they were separate people, probably wouldn't exchange Christmas cards.

A paranoid thinks that sinister forces are out to get him, not realizing that they are out to get everybody.