Optimist: someone who isn't sure whether life is a tragedy or a comedy but is tickled silly just to be in the play.

Ever wonder what crime you committed that you are confined to a small enclosure above your sinuses, under permanent skull arrest?

There's nothing like self-improvement to get your friends to like you for who you were.

What you discover in a democracy is that it is difficult to build a house when each nail has an opinion.

To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness.

Marriage is nature's way of ensuring that a woman picks up some mothering experience before she has her first child.

God answers first the prayers we should have prayed.