Even if you think the Big Bang created the stars, don't you wonder who sent the flowers?

There was never a wise saying that couldn't be made wiser by adding the words, "and vice-versa.

Either way, things are a lot better - either a lot better than they were or a lot better than they're going to be.

It is the fancy of every mortal that being cradled in the arms of mortality is a safe place for the time being.

As a general guideline, never marry anyone that you can't picture helping you go to the bathroom.

When compiling his great dictionary, the young Noah Webster travels to the Himalayas, where he climbs to the cave of the world's wises man. 'O, great sage,' he says, 'tell me the meaning of life.' The sage sits Noah at his feet and, with great solemnity, commences to unfold the meaning of life. When finished, he places a hand on the young man's shoulder and says, 'Do you have any other questions, my son?' Noah flips a page in his notebook and says, 'You wouldn't know the meaning of lift, would you?'

If you could eavesdrop on everything said about you, you'd spend most of your time waiting for the subject to come up.