I got £25. My friends all gave me £5. It was a very thoughtful present.

I'd go and get really drunk somewhere ... in the street. Pass out somewhere and sleep in the gutter.

I hate people who cry around me. I'm not friends with them anymore. Especially girls. Cuz girls are crying all the time. It's like, 'Shut up.'

I kind of wish people didn’t know who I am, that I could just lie, say I’m a speechwriter for Obama. This is what I said before Twilight. And then Obama came along and picked up all these young writers. I found out this guy, Jon Favreau — who’s not the actor Jon Favreau — is writing for him. And I was like, Wow, I wonder if the people who thought I was bullshitting at the time are like, ‘Oh my god. That guy! That kid who was drunk in some bar actually wrote the health care bill!’

I keep forgetting I'm speaking in an American accent sometimes. The dangerous thing is that you end up forgetting what your real accent is after a while! It's really strange; I've never done a job in an American accent before.

I think someone follows me. They do the most random stuff. I get a photo taken through a burger drive-through window and it's like, 'What?'. They always seem like they're six feet away. I don't understand. I'm walking around and I don't see anybody.

The only emotional connection of relevance is with my dog. My relationship with my dog, it's ridiculous.