Wherever you are on Earth, there is more life present than in the rest of the known universe.

I thought I better warn you that I am not one of those politically correct comedians, but it turns out that also I'm not really that racist, homophobic or woman hating either, so you might not notice

Life, to me personally, I believe it is a finite thing, my consciousness, and I want to use it as much as possible.

They gave 12 monkeys a typewriter for a week, and after a week, they only used it as a bathroom.

To be paid, to be employed to be an enthusiast and be excited about existence is fantastic.

I am not man or beast; I am bibliosexual, and a seedy bibliosexual who haunts the streets, laden with carrier bags held by blistered fingers, stooping under the weight of the rucksack that has brought on sciatica and a Dickensian demeanour.

One idea I explore in my stand-up show is whether, if you try looking at the universe rationally and avoid coping mechanisms like mysticism or religion, you can still be happy knowing you are going to die after a brief time on this spinning ball.