Life, to me personally, I believe it is a finite thing, my consciousness, and I want to use it as much as possible.

If you really want space on public transport you should carry some pornography from the 1970s and a pair of children's safety scissors, then delicately cut out all the eyes of the glamour models whilst whistling. Every now and again mutter, 'Why are women more beautiful when they are eyeless?' You will be able to stretch out, though this can have ramifications such as ending up on a police list or being run out of town.

I thought I better warn you that I am not one of those politically correct comedians, but it turns out that also I'm not really that racist, homophobic or woman hating either, so you might not notice

If the Royal Variety Show was put in a matter transportation machine with the Royal Institution Christmas lectures, this is what you'd get.

I have a theory that evolutionary biologists are more vain than particle physicists.

As much as of course that Englishness of always to be embarrassed about any sense of complement, it is nice to know that a lot of the projects that I've worked on that people do feel there has been some effect.

There can be a science to joke writing, there are certainly rules and patterns that can be followed, but I think most of the best comedy goes beyond the rules.