The players are too serious. They don't have any fun any more. They come to camp with a financial adviser and they read the stock market page before the sports pages. They concern themselves with statistics rather than simply playing the game and enjoying it for what it is.

I've had more numbers on my back than a bingo board.

You mix two jiggers of Scotch to one jigger of Metrecal. So far I've lost five pounds and my driver's license.

The trouble with having a wired jaw is that you can never tell when you're sleepy. You can't yawn.

On Jose Gonzalez changing his name to Jose Uribe: 'He was definitely the player to be named later.'

Coaching third with a pitcher on base is like being a member of a bomb disposal squad. The thing could blow up in your face at any moment.

Well, there are three things that the average man thinks he can do better than anybody else. Build a fire, run a hotel and manage a baseball team.