You mix two jiggers of Scotch to one jigger of Metrecal. So far I've lost five pounds and my driver's license.

Coaching third with a pitcher on base is like being a member of a bomb disposal squad. The thing could blow up in your face at any moment.

The trouble with having a wired jaw is that you can never tell when you're sleepy. You can't yawn.

On Jose Gonzalez changing his name to Jose Uribe: 'He was definitely the player to be named later.'

I've had more numbers on my back than a bingo board.

It's a good thing I stayed in Cincinnati for four years -- It took me that long to learn how to spell it.

Well, there are three things that the average man thinks he can do better than anybody else. Build a fire, run a hotel and manage a baseball team.