You mix two jiggers of Scotch to one jigger of Metrecal. So far I've lost five pounds and my driver's license.

On Jose Gonzalez changing his name to Jose Uribe: 'He was definitely the player to be named later.'

You mix two jiggers of Scotch to one jigger of Metrecal. So far I've lost five pounds and my driver's license.

The trouble with having a wired jaw is that you can never tell when you're sleepy. You can't yawn.

Well, there are three things that the average man thinks he can do better than anybody else. Build a fire, run a hotel and manage a baseball team.

It's a good thing I stayed in Cincinnati for four years -- It took me that long to learn how to spell it.

I've had more numbers on my back than a bingo board.