I can drink on the job if I want to. I can go on stage with a beer and it's OK. I can say whatever I want. It's a great job to have.

You can talk about anything if you go about it the right way, which is never malicious.

I didn't plan on being a comedian. I didn't plan on getting married and I didn't plan on having kids, but I did all those things.

When I was little, there were three channels.

Kids today know way more than you think they do, with the Internet and 500 TV channels.

If I do the same act that I did in 1995, in essence you're saying (in a robotic voice), 'My mind has never changed'

I can drink on the job if I want to. I can go on stage with a beer and it's OK. I can say whatever I want. It's a great job to have.