No one ever grew up intending to be an umpire, except perhaps my friend Bill Haller. His brother Tom wanted to be a catcher, so an affinity for masks must run in that family.

Throwing people out of a game is like learning to ride a bicycle--once you get the hang of it, it can be a lot of fun.

Being an umpire is like being a king. It prepares you for nothing.

I never called a balk in my life. I didn't understand the rule.

Lou Piniella only argues on days ending with the letter 'y'.

Any umpire who claims he has never missed a play is . . . well, an umpire.

One reason I never called balks is that I never understood the rule.