Umpire's heaven is a place where he works third base every game. Home is where the heartache is.
I never called a balk in my life. I didn't understand the rule.
The practical joke is the psychiatry of baseball.
Throwing people out of a game is like learning to ride a bicycle--once you get the hang of it, it can be a lot of fun.
Being an umpire is like being a king. It prepares you for nothing.
No one ever grew up intending to be an umpire, except perhaps my friend Bill Haller. His brother Tom wanted to be a catcher, so an affinity for masks must run in that family.