Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a less-challenging emotional nature.

You must never be afraid in New York City, because then you will call bad stuff to you and you will not like it there.

I didn't know that being in a relationship meant you had to be nice. I thought it meant you had to hack away at the other person until they were beaten down and then were too afraid to leave.

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

Patriarchy is impotent and qualitatively unable to solve even the most simple problems in the cosmos such as picking up their own socks or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking from it.

I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas.

We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.