I had left home (like all Jewish girls) in order to eat pork and take birth control pills. When I first shared an intimate evening with my husband, I was swept away by the passion (so dormant inside myself) of a long and tortured existence. The physical cravings I had tried so hard to deny, finally and ultimately sated ... But enough about the pork.

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.

I want to say that nobody accuses their parents of abusing them without justification to do that. I didn't just make it up. A lot of things were true and abusive and horrible things that happened to me that my father did.

My children love me. I'm like the mother they never had.

Hollywood is the only place on earth that has more vampires, more undead, more resurrections than a month of Easter Sundays.

I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool.