I first would allow the guilty bankers to pay, you know, the ability to pay back anything over $100 million [of] personal wealth because I believe in a maximum wage of $100 million. And if they are unable to live on that amount of that amount then they should, you know, go to the reeducation camps and if that doesn't help, then being beheaded.

I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with.

Being nuts is its own reward.

I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.

Everything that`s written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, like an avalanche, and I don`t think there`s anything I can do to stop it.

After my 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.