I first would allow the guilty bankers to pay, you know, the ability to pay back anything over $100 million [of] personal wealth because I believe in a maximum wage of $100 million. And if they are unable to live on that amount of that amount then they should, you know, go to the reeducation camps and if that doesn't help, then being beheaded.

Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.

I'm on the mirror diet. You eat all your food in front of a mirror in the nude. It works pretty good, though some of the fancier restaurants don't go for it.

We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird?

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.