When your family is twice as weird as normal, you have to be twice as polite to authority, because authority hates weird.

Don’t ever trust anyone who’s writing a book. They make up lies for a living.

When your family is twice as weird as normal, you have to be twice as polite to authority, because authority hates weird.

I was generally pro-bat, except when I was trekking through the dark trying not to think about the dire fate of every horror movie character stupid enough to go into the dark with a flashlight and check the fuses.

That was easy for him to say when his cell phone was rounding third base. If anyone got a home run tonight, I didn't want it to be Verizon Wireless.

Screw you, John." "Sorry, Sylvie. Can't—they frown on that kind of thing between step-siblings.

Taylor: what do you hear? Daisy: Nothing but rain