When your family is twice as weird as normal, you have to be twice as polite to authority, because authority hates weird.

When your family is twice as weird as normal, you have to be twice as polite to authority, because authority hates weird.

Don’t ever trust anyone who’s writing a book. They make up lies for a living.

You're not hurt, are you?" "Only my delicate sensibilities.

Long-haired Chihuahuas have no notion they are bite-sized.

He rose to his feet in one fluid move, the better to look down at me. “You don’t know me, princess. Some people have reasons for doing things, and don’t just go wherever they’re told or drift whichever way they’re pushed.

How about this?" I said, because now it was the principle of the thing. "I'm sorry, jackass.