I'd love to be a dead body in the emergency room and have George Clooney go, 'This one's gone!' while he puts a sheet on me.

Why do you think people don't think that homosexual parents are good? You don't know what a homosexual family looks like. I will be the role model for the good gay family. Don't let these children suffer without families because of your bias.

It's hard to find a reason that is not environmentally centered, that [doesn't have] something to do with global warming or what the planet is going through. The amount of tornadoesit's like three times the highest amount ever before, right? Something weird is happening with all of these natural catastrophes.

It's the main reason why I continue to push myself and my career to do more and more as the amount that you're able to raise for charity and to give to charity by my celebrity.

Anybody that you put on TV five hours a week is at some point is going to say something stupid.

I think Oprah who is the height of aspiration and inspiration recognizes something in me that is germane.

When I started out, some women comics were jealous of other women comics, thinking, "If she gets "The Tonight Show," I can't." My philosophy always was, "If she did, I can too."