I've never thought it was necessary to make fun of people - you can find fun in people without necessarily mocking them.

I prefer my oysters fried; that way I know my oysters died.

Twiddle-twiddle away at my softly clicky keyboard for a while, making twiddly adjustments all along- and then print what I have twiddled. Glare at the printout and snarl and curse and scribble almost illegibly all over it with a ballpoint pen. Go back to the machine and enter the scribbles. Repeat this procedure until I hate the very meaning of every word I know.

I do some eccentric dancing.

Being president of too many well-meaning organizations put my father into an early grave. The lesson in this was not lost on me.

A picture's worth a thousand words? A library card's worth millions.

Any given generation gives the next generation advice that the given generation should have been given by the previous generation but now it's too late.