Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture.

Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.

Of all the people expressing their mental vacuity, none has a better excuse for an empty head than the newspaperman: If he pauses to restock his brain, he invites onrushing deadlines to trample him flat. Broadcasting the contents of empty minds is what most of us do most of the time, and nobody more relentlessly than I.

Skins tanned to the consistency of well-traveled alligator suitcases.

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.

When you're the only pea in the pod, your parents are likely to get you confused with the Hope diamond.

How many more years will our educators continue to lecture us on the evils of whipping children until they bring home high grades? Year after year we listen to these fellows tell us that it is not the grade that counts but the development of the child's personality. After the lecture they go back to all the best schools and reject our children because they have C averages.