Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture.

Grass is the least rewarding of all status symbols... The grass does nothing but drink money, exhaust energies, crush spirits, destroy sleep, create tensions and interfere with the watching of baseball games, and sprout insolent signs ordering humans to keep off it.

Feel good about linking hands in human chain for good causes.

The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don't do it. I have been out there. It is a mess....

Notice, for example, that people who talk about "the joys of childhood" are always adults. Only an adult, utterly remote from the reality of childhood, could suppose it is time of joys.

In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved.

There are no liberals behind steering wheels.