Then, of course, through the umbilical link we all tumble backwards down the spiralling DNA staircase to one common ancestor in Africa, and before that some bunch of curious monkeys. Down and down we go unto the sea, unto the dust, the single cellular dust. What impulse drove one cell to become two? What yearning pulled the fish on to the land? What caused apes to walk upright? Some invisible magnetic pull. Is there a difference between attraction and intention? Where is evolution taking us?
Russell BrandIf you're a drug addict, often you're stealing - I've gotten done for shoplifting a few times.
Russell BrandOver the road there was a church: a modern gray building, which constantly played a recording of church bells. Strange it was. Why no proper bells? I never went in but I bet it was a robot church for androids, where the Bible was in binary and their Jesus had laser eyes and metal claws.
Russell BrandMy life is just a series of embarrassing incidents strung together by telling people about those embarrassing incidents.
Russell BrandIt's no wonder Bob Geldof knows so much about famine - he's been dining out on I Don't Like Mondays for 30 years.
Russell BrandNo one shuts their laptop after looking at pornography and says, 'What a productive time I just spent connecting with the world!'
Russell BrandA Halloween-haired, Sachsgate-enacting, estuary-whining, glitter-lacquered, priapic berk How dare I, from my velvet chaise longue, in my Hollywood home like Kubla Khan, drag my limbs from my harem to moan about the system? A system that has posited me on a lilo made of thighs in an ocean filled with honey and foie gras'd my Essex arse with undue praise and money.
Russell Brand