Imagining the overthrow of the current political system is the only way I can be enthused about politics.

It would have been convenient to be gay. Just because of the grooming, the narcissism, stuff like that. But I have this kind of roaring heterosexuality. Traditional, uncomplicated heterosexuality, an almost cliched Robin Askwith thing.

Even in name, he seems like a Victorian oddity. "Igor, fetch 'the Crouch' from the catacombs, we're going to the graveyard".

Socialism isn't a dirty word; it just means sharing. Really, it's just the bureaucratic arm of Christianity.

No one shuts their laptop after looking at pornography and says, 'What a productive time I just spent connecting with the world!'

A Halloween-haired, Sachsgate-enacting, estuary-whining, glitter-lacquered, priapic berk How dare I, from my velvet chaise longue, in my Hollywood home like Kubla Khan, drag my limbs from my harem to moan about the system? A system that has posited me on a lilo made of thighs in an ocean filled with honey and foie gras'd my Essex arse with undue praise and money.

It doesn't matter how many pairs of shoes you have, how many cars you have, etc.... It's all utterly meaningless and yet we continue to pursue this. Why? Because they've learned they can stimulate our primal desires through selling us products.