The sole difference between myself and a madman is the fact that I am not mad.

There is one thing more exasperating than a spouse who can cook and won't, and that's a spouse who can't cook and will. There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.

Without hesitation, I place Freud among the heroes. He dispossessed the Jewish people of the greatest and most influential of all heroes-Moses.

An elegant woman is a woman who despises you and has no hair under her arms.

Many people do not reach their eighties because they spend too much time in their forties.

I don't need drugs. I am drugs.

Whatever happens, my audience mustn't know whether I am spoofing or being serious; and likewise I mustn't know either. I am in a constant interrogation; when does the deep and philosophically valid Dali begin, and where does the looney and preposterous Dali end?