The three most important things a man has are, briefly, his private parts, his money, and his religious opinions.

If you follow reason far enough it always leads to conclusions that are contrary to reason.

What is faith but a kind of betting or speculation after all? It should be, I bet that my Redeemer liveth.

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.

They say the test of literary power is whether a man can write an inscription. I say, "Can he name a kitten?"

The dead should be judged like criminals, impartially, but they should be allowed the benefit of the doubt.

The worst thing that can happen to a man is to lose his money, the next worst his health, the next worst his reputation.