The three most important things a man has are, briefly, his private parts, his money, and his religious opinions.

Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

Academic and aristocratic people live in such an uncommon atmosphere that common sense can rarely reach them.

Nobody shoots at Santa Claus.

They say the test of literary power is whether a man can write an inscription. I say, "Can he name a kitten?"

When a man is in doubt about this or that in his writing, it will often guide him if he asks himself how it will tell a hundred years hence.