The human intellect owes its superiority over that of the lower animals in great measure to the stimulus which alcohol has given imagination.

When the water of a place is bad it is safest to drink none that has not been filtered through either the berry of a grape, or else a tub of malt. These are the most reliable filters yet invented.

Loyalty is still the same, whether it win or lose the game; as true as a dial to the sun, although it be not shined upon.

I am the enfant terrible of literature and science. If I cannot, and I know I cannot, get the literary and scientific bigwigs to give me a shilling, I can, and I know I can, heave bricks into the middle of them.

There are two classes [of scientists], those who want to know, and do not care whether others think they know or not, and those who do not much care about knowing, but care very greatly about being reputed as knowing.

Since God himself cannot change the past, He is obliged to tolerate the existence of historians.

How often do we not see children ruined through the virtues, real or supposed, of their parents?