Americans know as much about Canada as straight people do about gays. Americans arrive at the border with skis in July, and straight people think that being gay is just a phase. A very long phase.

My parents won’t let me have a motorcycle, but they give me all the guns I want. I asked them for a motorcycle last Christmas and they told me I’d only kill myself. They got me this twelve-gauge instead.

I'm not a wilting flower. I'm honest, so I pick a lot of fights. I've burned a lot of bridges.

The gay male is always going to be at the bottom.

When I was younger I wanted to be a big movie star who'd get to be funny on talk shows and then I wanted to retire and write science fiction.

A lot of gay men are in delusion if they think they're super macho.

My theory is that comedy comes from little people.