One of the many troubles of growing older is that it gets progressively harder to find a famous historical figure who hadn't yet amounted to anything by the time he was your age.

A woman is supposed to have curves like an old Bentley, not like some old bike.

But really death seems the least awful thing that can happen to someone

There's a lot of noise about me that stops a lot of people from listening, but the good side is if you expose yourself like that, you're left with only good people who can see through you-you get rid of all the wankers.

I like fat girls. A woman can never be too poor or too fat. I'd take a poor fat girl over a rich thin girl like Kate Moss.

I can count all the lovers I've had on one hand...if I'm holding a calculator.

Self-pity is the most destructive of all narcotics.