This planet has rejuvenated itself over and over again. Its species are just witnesses. [Earth] is going to reclaim itself once it tires of us. And all that will be left are the bones.

Jeff Ross has a new show on Comedy Central where he roasts the news. It'll be perfect for people who find Jon Stewart too handsome and funny.

There are two kinds of people in this world: Michael Jackson fans and losers.

The chili I ate made for an explosive bathroom experience. I don't know how to put this delicately, but I missed the toilet entirely.

There's no greater way to gain an audience's sympathy than by being unfortunate.

I'm not interested in becoming a bigger star, I'm not interested in being the wealthiest guy in the world. I'm doing fine, I love acting, and I want to do it for the rest of my life.

Star Wars' is such a phenomenal global supernova that anything that gets said about it becomes kind of fact and gospel, and then taken by the legions of fans who are so excited to have more 'Star Wars,' that they roll off on all sorts of flights of fancy.