The Big Cactus... because if you come too close, you're gonna get stuck.

I take that as an insult, even at 36.

Last time I looked at a [pay]check, I said to myself, 'Who the hell is FICA? And when I meet him, I'm going to punch him in the face. Oh my God, FICA is killing me.'

Challenge me. Treat me like a game of checkers and play me. That's all I'm asking, just play me. Treat me like Sega and play me.

Man, I don't wanna do what all the other guys do. I don't wanna end up in the booth after the games telling you what I think and talking smack about the guys on the floor when they are a lot better than that. I wanna be different. I don't wanna be known as Commentator Shaq. I wanna be a doctor or something good. I wanna be Dr. Shaq, Officer Shaq, Deputy Shaq.

We want you all to be in shape and look as good as me. Because I will be walking naked on the beach.

Y'all reporters like my quotes, don't you. Yeah, my quotes are Shaqalicious.