You're messing up my highlights.

Some things you just can't question. Like you can't question why two plus two is four. So don't question it, don't try to look it up. I don't know who made it, all I know is it was put in my head that two plus two is four. So certain things happen. Why does it rain? Why am I so sexy? I don't know.

I'm dominant every night. I come in every night and get beat up. I never make a face when they try to flagrant or hack-a-Shaq me, because I'm not from this planet. Earthlings don't faze me.

Coach (Pat) Riley told us on June 8 we'd win the title on June 20.

Jealous punks can't stop my dunks.

One time, I put up 40, 50 points dunking on Shawn Bradley. After the game, he brought his family over. He was like, 'This is my wife. She wants to take a picture.' I'm like, 'Nice to meet you.' I smile into the camera, take the picture, and then feel guilty about dunking on him so many times.

Sometimes I feel like the Tom Hanks character in Big. But my life is not a movie. I never have to go back to Coney Island to find the fortune-teller machine so I have to grow up again.