You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. You all should be spanked for this.

I'm getting older. I'm getting sexier. I'm getting meaner. I can still do what I do.

We're focusing on the whole pie, not a slice. A slice is good, but it's not good enough to get you fat. We're trying to get fat.

That's sort of a trick question, and I don't have a trick answer. Next question, please. You're not going to get me with that question today, buddy...I'm a veteran at this, buddy. Can't get that with me, buddy. Not today.

Someday I might have to put down a basketball and have a regular 9-to-5 like everybody else.

I know how to turn the bad into good always.

I wouldn't. I would just go home. I'd fake an injury or something.