The most unusual salesman I ever met is a fellow who made a modest fortune purveying lightning rods. But he suddenly lost interest in his work. He got caught in a storm with a bunch of samples in his arms.

We teach reading, writing and math by [having students do] them. But we teach democracy by lecture.

As a culture I see us as presently deprived of subtleties. The music is loud, the anger is elevated, sex seems lacking in sweetness and privacy.

A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.

If you've never met a student from the University of Chicago, I'll describe him to you. If you give him a glass of water, he says, 'This is a glass of water. But is it a glass of water? And if it is a glass of water, why is it a glass of water?' And eventually he dies of thirst.

I developed several comedy phone calls.

The Steve Allen Sunday night show had the right to two options after my first performance.