Like this cake. It’s really very good. (Arik) As the girth to my hips will attest. (Geary)

You were first-string running back last year. What happened?” – Coach “Stone’s mouth happened. It needed to be closed, and I was a little too obliging to shut it.” – Nick

Pain doesn’t respect age, my lady.

Man, first I’m shot, now I’m going to be a friggin’ zombie. At this rate, I’ll never live to have my first date or a driver’s license. Ah, gah! I’ve come too far to die a predestrian virgin. Bubba, you can’t let me die…I only have seventeen more months and three days to my sixteenth birthday! (Nick)

Just out of curiosity, can an immortal choke to death on a bagel? (Francesca)

There was a reason why there was only a single stairway to heaven, but an entire highway to hell.

I’m going. But before I do, let me congratulate all of you on your stupidity. (Fury)