That wouldn't fit my right testicle

How funny it is that the most unlikely person sometimes becomes your ally.

Three things Marco taught me today race through my mind: boys will lie to your face just to have sex with you, don't trust any boy who says I love you, and never date a boy who lives on the south side of Fairfield.

That wouldn't fit my right testicle

Expectations make people miserable, so whatever yours are, lower them. You'll definitely be happier.

Since you came back from summer break, our entire relationship is about fooling around. We never talk anymore, and I'm sick of feeling guilty for not ripping my clothes off and spreading my legs to prove I love you.

[about her offer of a Swedish massage] Alex: You're not Swedish. Brittany: Yeah, well, neither are you. So if I do it wrong you'll never know the difference.