We humans are naturally disposed to worship gods and heroes, to build our pantheons and valhallas. I would rather see that impulse directed into the adoration of daft singers, thicko footballers and air-headed screen actors than into the veneration of dogmatic zealots, fanatical preachers, militant politicians and rabid cultural commentators.

It's now very common to hear people say 'I'm rather offended by that'.

That one can love another of the same gender, that is what the homophobe really cannot stand.

I'm a bit of a coward, and lazy, oddly enough.

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

Old Professors never die, they just lose their faculties.

I shall sustain a massive erection, that’s what, and I shan’t be answerable for the consequences. Some kind of ejaculation is almost bound to ensue and if either of you were to become pregnant I should never forgive myself.