You think I have more than most people dream of? What other people dream of doesn't matter. I always had less than I ever dreamt of. All I ever dreamt of was family. A father and a mother. Most people don't even need to dream of such luxuries, they take them for granted. That is what I used to dwell on, alone in my bedroom. I dwelt as all children do, on the injustice. Injustice is the most terrible thing in the world, Oliver. Everything that is evil springs from it and only a cheap soul can abide it without anger.

Like vichyssoise, revenge is a dish best served cold.

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

My life, at least, is divided between writing and performing and mixtures of the two.

I like to wake up each morning and not know what I think, that I may reinvent myself in some way.

It only takes a room of Americans for the English and Australians to realise how much we have in common.

I now accept that it is looking increasingly likely that Tiger Woods is, in fact, straight.