I am in trouble here. This woman is not right.

Anything with the power to make you laugh over thirty years later isn’t a waste of time. I think something like that is very close to immortality.

The act of writing itself is done in secret, like masturbation.

I'm not making an enemy; I'm keepin' one.

Some guys-a lot of guys-don't believe what they are seeing, especially if it gets in the way of what they want to eat or drink or believe. Me, I don't believe in God. But if i saw him, I would. I wouldn't just go around saying, "Jesus, that was a great special effect." The definition of an asshole is a guy who doesn't believe what he's seeing.

Whenever I publish a book, I feel like a trapper caught by the Iroquois. They're all lined up with Tomahawks, and the idea is to run through with your head down, and everybody gets to take a swing. They hit you in the head, the back, the ass, and the balls.

You couldn't not like someone who liked the guitar.