A sportsman is a man who, every now and then, simply has to get out and kill something.

A silk dress in four sections, and shoes with high heels that would have broken the heart of John Calvin.

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

On the same bill and on the same side of it there should not be two charges for the same thing

Anybody who has listened to certain kinds of music, or read certain kinds of poetry, or heard certain kinds of performances on the concertina, will admit that even suicide has its brighter aspects.

As for politics, well, it all seemed reasonable enough. When the Conservatives got in anywhere, [Judge] Pepperleigh laughed and enjoyed it, simply because it does one good to see a straight, fine, honest fight where the best man wins. When a Liberal got in, it made him mad, and he said so,-not, mind you; from any political bias, for his office forbid it,-but simply because one can't bear to see the country go absolutely to the devil.

What we call creative work, ought not to be called work at all, because it isn't. I imagine that Thomas Edison never did a day's work in his last fifty years.