I'm gonna hump ya. Like Deputy Dog... Would hump ya.

I don't want to go around making everyone else agree with me. I don't feel the need to do that.

As soon as I see period costume, I turn off. It's like hearing drama on Radio 4.

Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course... they're altogether a higher class of fat lady.

I think we all have a slightly gay gene inside us, don't we? It might be 0.00001 per cent as mine is, or one per cent as yours is.

I want my work to be judged, not me.

There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the Gents a couple of weeks ago I did see someone had drawn a lady's part. Quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent.