They want me on the television shows now because I did so well on Celebrity Assholes.

In my opening seconds, I would say, "It's great to be here," then move to several other spots on the stage and say, "No, it's great to be here!" I would move again: "No, it's great to be here!

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

When I die, now don't think that I'm a nut, don't want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.

So, while fitting in, she was like a wicked detail standing out against a placid background.

I just respected comedians whether they were or they weren't, from, you know, new or old.

Or is it that I think too much?