Steve Martin Quotes

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But Carroll's were more convoluted, and they struck me as funny in a new way: 1) Babies are illogical. 2) Nobody is despised who can manage a crocodile. 3) Illogical persons are despised. Therefore, babies cannot manage crocodiles. And: 1) No interesting poems are unpopular among people of real taste. 2) No modern poetry is free from affectation. 3) All of your poems are on the subject of soap bubbles. 4) No affected poetry is popular among people of taste. 5) Only a modern poem would be on the subject of soap bubbles. Therefore, all your poems are uninteresting.

Steve Martin

I never had a movie that I wanted to do turned down in my whole life. I always write the script first so it speaks for itself.

Steve Martin

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

Steve Martin

I've decided to take up smoking, my doctor said I wasn't getting enough tar.

Steve Martin

... you're nuts but you're welcome here.

Steve Martin

I think probably the most difficult challenge was just the climb and rise in show business because I went through my entire twenties with some success as a comedy writer but not much as a performer. And you have to be kind of informed and naive at the same time.

Steve Martin

Only then does he realize what he has done to Mirabelle, how wanting a square inch of her and not all of her has damaged them both, and how he cannot justify his actions except that, well, it was life.

Steve Martin

Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.

Steve Martin

After one of my plays came out, I had mixed reviews, some bad and some good. One day, it dawned on me. I thought, 'I wrote a play and he wrote a review, and that's the difference between him and me.'

Steve Martin

As a human being on Earth, you can't imagine friendship not being important in some other solar system or some other planet, or some other context of beings that are conscious. We even see it in animals. It is important for people on Earth to reach out or reach into someone.

Steve Martin

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

Steve Martin

I love doing my surreal sing-along that had words that no one could follow.

Steve Martin

If he thinks he would harm Mirabelle, he would back away. But he does not yet understand when and how people are hurt. He doesn't understand the subtleties of slights and pains, that it is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.

Steve Martin

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

Steve Martin

You know, you're really nobody in L.A. unless you live in a house with a really big door.

Steve Martin

These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

Steve Martin

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.

Steve Martin

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

Steve Martin

Relationships end, but they don't end your life.

Steve Martin

Being on Twitter is like having a fern.

Steve Martin

I hope people find my movies funny and will watch them years from now. And, in terms of writing, I hope that something remains that will not seem old-fashioned, that will still have a ยญvibrancy to it 50 years from now.

Steve Martin

Reviews for someone like me come in three packages. One is justifiable praise, the second is justifiable criticism, and the third is, "This is only published because he's a celebrity."

Steve Martin

I find animated movies very touching. They reach an audience that's hard to get with a live-action film.

Steve Martin

The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor first because writing is what you do when you are ready and acting is what you do when someone else is ready.

Steve Martin

I don't think anyone is ever writing so that you can throw it away. You're always writing it to be something. Later, you decide whether it'll ever see the light of day. But at the moment of its writing, it's always meant to be something. So, to me, there's no practicing; there's only editing and publishing or not publishing.

Steve Martin

I happened to take a photo, and there was my wife, my dog and my banjo, all in the same shot - and I thought, "Oh, that's like a family portrait right there."

Steve Martin

Well, today the Grammys is much much better than the Oscars. I think the differences in the shows are that the Grammys are much wilder. The Oscars is much more people in the industry. And people dress wilder, I think, at the Grammys.

Steve Martin

Tweeting is really only good for one thing - it's just good for tweeting... It is rewarding, because it's just its own reward. It's sort of like heaven.

Steve Martin

The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, 'Hey, mind if I smoke?' I always say, 'No. Mind if I fart?

Steve Martin

It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.

Steve Martin

Throughout my whole life, as a performer, I've never played with a band. I've always played alone, so I was never required to stay in rhythm or anything. So it was a real different experience for me to start playing with a band. There were so many basic things for me to learn.

Steve Martin

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

Steve Martin

I'm not Vegas. Places I play usually cost like $3 to get in, you know, and people are going: Gee, I've got $3, I think I'll throw it away.

Steve Martin

Awards mean nothing to comedians. What matters is the audience, how you're doing - artistically, for the most part - at that moment.

Steve Martin

I saw the movie, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' and was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they're crouching and hidden.

Steve Martin

It eventually appeared to be me, cinematically. When I was writing it I was actually an author, you know, writing a book. ... But there certainly is a difference in energy between a younger man and an older man.

Steve Martin

I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.

Steve Martin

I don't think comic timing is the same as music timing, but I definitely find that I've learned from just writing in general that songs can be narrative without having a story.

Steve Martin

A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

Steve Martin

I loved doing 'Pennies from Heaven.' Because you have to understand that I'd been doing comedy for 15 to 20 years, and suddenly along came the opportunity to do this beautiful film. It was so emotional to me. I loved it. I don't think it was a good career move, but I have no regrets about doing it.

Steve Martin

The emotions of men, however, were of a different order. They were pesky annoyances, small dust devils at her feet. Her knack for causing heartbreak was innate, but her vitality often made people forgive her romantic misdeeds.

Steve Martin

I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a byproduct.

Steve Martin

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Steve Martin

Halle Berry is here, whose win last year broke down barriers for unbelievably hot women.

Steve Martin

Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.

Steve Martin

...the divided world of Aspen, where locals with a sense of entitlement were pitted against developers with a sense of condominiums.

Steve Martin

Be so good they can't ignore you.

Steve Martin

He gave her his phone number, in a peculiar reversal of dating procedure. She might have considered kissing him, even after the horrible first date, but he just didnโ€™t seem to know what to do. However, Jeremy does have one outstanding quality. He likes her. And this quality in a person makes them infinitely interesting to the person who is being liked.

Steve Martin
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