What I mean is that none of my talents had a - what's that great word - rubric. A singer, an actor, a dancer - there was nothing I could really say I was. The writing came much later. And, actually, thank God, because if I had said I'm a singer, I would really have just had one thing to do.

I would assign every lie a color: yellow when they were innocent, pale blue when they sailed over you like the sky, red because I knew they drew blood. And then there was the black lie. That's the worst of all. A black lie was when I told you the truth.

Home to me is when someone comes up to me and says, "Can I get a selfie?" No. It's where your wife and your family are. It's the emotional place where you feel like you're not away from it.

Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.

A joke that works is complete knowledge in a nanosecond.

Talent is the ability to say things well, but genius is the ability to, well, say things.

I will do anything to look like him - except, of course, exercise or eat right.