Moms and daughters can negotiate over anything, and they can go on longer than it took to settle the Vietnam War.

Sometimes being a dad is like watching a ping-pong match.

I've been offered 'Celebrity Fit Club', where you have to take off your shirt and get on a scale. I got kids, man. I'm not going to humiliate myself. I'd rather drive a cab.

Being the father of girls is a kind of illness, in its own way - since any guy who has tried to live in a house with a wife and two daughters is, without any doubt, going to go certifiably nuts.

There's no such thing as quality time; there's only quantity time.

With girls, there's an insecurity that starts early on. It hangs around them, like some annoying kid from down the block who won't take the hint and go home when dinnertime comes. And moms are usually not great at giving their daughters confidence.

I read a lot of true-crime books, but sometimes they can put you in a bad mood.