There's no such thing as quality time; there's only quantity time.

With girls, there's an insecurity that starts early on. It hangs around them, like some annoying kid from down the block who won't take the hint and go home when dinnertime comes. And moms are usually not great at giving their daughters confidence.

I tell my kids, 'I'm your father, not your friend - but I'm also the best friend you're ever going to have because no one is going to care for you the way I care about you.'

David is the show. There are other writers, but it's David's vision.

Sometimes being a dad is like watching a ping-pong match.

I'd like to form a club just for fathers. Specifically, fathers of daughters. There would be lots of overstuffed leather chairs, wood paneling, dim lights. The works.

I've been offered 'Celebrity Fit Club', where you have to take off your shirt and get on a scale. I got kids, man. I'm not going to humiliate myself. I'd rather drive a cab.