I was talking to my friend from New York yesterday, and I used the expression, 'You can't polish a turd'. He looked at me, disgusted, and said, 'No, you can't, but you can roll it in glitter'. He's a lovely guy but I wouldn't want to go to a craft fair with him

Every single guy that I've caddied, even guys that I've caddied for just here and there over the years has won tournaments. There's no one I've caddied for that hasn't won tournaments. So I guess when I caddie for someone, it's kind of a reassurance thing that Steve knows what it takes to get it done.

A headline last year, after the death of Saddam Hussein, read: 'Tyrant is hanged'. My auntie looked at the newspaper and sobbed, 'Who's going to present "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"'

I think it's always when you go to caddie for another player, it's no different to when you start with a new player. The very most important thing is when you get the first opportunity to have a win is to try and show them that you know what you're doing. It's easier said than done.

Just because you're a good caddie doesn't mean to say that you're the one that can put a player over the top. A good caddie doesn't necessarily help you've got to gel.

When you're told as a caddie we need to take a break, you're fired.

If you want me to come and caddie for you full time, you've got to sit down and do some hard work and do some hard yards because that's what I expect.